Last summer, I went with
a couple of like-minded comic nerds to see a 3-D IMAX screening ofSuperman Returns (2006). As movie trailers for inane computer-animated
children’s cartoons ran their course, I tried to imagine how director
Bryan Singer would re-envision this ubiquitous, seventy-year-old pop
culture symbol. Superman and other heroes, including Captain
Not really…
As the lights
dimmed and Superman Returns finally began, the classic title sequence
rolled, evoking the original and much admired Richard Donner-directed
film from 1978. Nervously adjusting my oversized 3-D spectacles,
I squirmed in anticipation for the latest chapter in this timeless
story of the bullet-dodging defender of humankind. I was glad
to find that the film alludes—although subtly—to Superman’s ability
to hear and sense the multitudes of humans crying out for help as
wars, natural disasters, and general conflict consume the entire globe. But,
he looks concerned for what amounts to only a few seconds. He cocks
his head like that cute little dog from the old RCA phonograph ads
before turning his complete attention to stalking his former girlfriend
Lois Lane, the hot, crack reporter who won the Pulitzer for writing
an article entitled “Why the World Doesn’t Need Superman” (while he
was away gallivanting in space)—the very woman he left knocked up
and alone for five years, before rocketing back to Earth like a self-entitled,
codpiece-wearing Casanova. What?!
Superman has the power to melt
handguns, Abrams tanks, and cruise missiles with his heat vision.
He can utilize his X-ray vision to find nuclear weapons silos from
Yes, I understand that Superman
Returns is only supposed to be taken as escapist fantasy. After
all, the motion picture was produced and distributed by a corporation
whose central goal was to offend as few people as possible, while
pandering to the lowest common denominator with a story involving
love, romance, regret, a few scenes of titillating action, and a bit
of corny humor. And let’s not forget that this thoroughly calculated
formula of multiple test-screenings and incessant rewriting and re-editing
to appease the masses equates to lots and lots of $$$$$$$. However,
in this time of endless war, extraordinary rendition and detainee
abuse, the images before me appeared more unreal than ever.
If someone such as Superman possesses that much power and neglects
to use it for the common good of all, then he is no hero. In
this latest incarnation, Superman is an oblivious, Speedo-wearing
pervert who thinks that his suaveness, and his ability to effortlessly
defy Earth’s gravitational pull, gives him the authority to rekindle
a relationship with a woman whose trust he had shattered several years
before.
While we are on the subject of disappointing superheroes that
reflect the cynicism of our times, I read recently on Chud.com that
Frank Miller, the celebrated comic scribe, is writing a new Batman
comic. Miller is best known by comic geeks as the man who revitalized
Batman’s popularity by playing up the character’s sociopathic tendencies
in books such as Batman: Year One, and Batman: The Dark Knight Returns.
Hot off of the success of having his comic creations adapted into
two visually stunning films (Sin City and the recent smash hit 300),
Miller is writing and possibly illustrating a new stand-alone graphic
novel entitled…wait for it—Holy Terror, Batman! Yes my friends,
the guardian of
