Bangkok Survivor: Cycling Addition
 
Annie and her cycling friends from the Hash House Harriers, a Bangkok bike club, had decided (without me) that it was high time to school me on bike riding in BKK (Bangkok).
 
Today was my first lesson.
 
With no trace of irony in her voice, Annie chirped, "You aren't just a little insane, No?" Her being French, I forgave her for saying "no" for "yes." Apparently, it would be necessary for me to tap into my dark side to make the bike ride a success. I was more than ready. Since landing here, my motto has been a day without a death defying adrenaline rush is a day not lived in Thailand!
 
Off we went.
 
A mere two miles from my house on Langsuan near Lumpini Park (Suan Luam), we came to the nearest elevated walkway. If the lung-collapsing pollution wasn't enough, I was nearly crushed by busses, taxis, and tuk tuks crowding me on all sides, just inches from the curb. White knuckling my handlebar grips, we finally came to a narrow staircase just off the main street, and we coughed our way up onto the first of the elevated walkways. The "Greenway" is a series of on the bike, off the bike, heave it over shoulders, up and down stairs for nearly a mile.
 
Urban Cyclocross.
 
Then, it's the bilge challenge. We rode a cement catwalk over an open raw sewage pond for two miles. I’m thinking, “If I don't puke or fall in, I’m golden, because no one will save me in there!” At this point, I was wondering where the "green" of "Greenway" comes in.
 
Next, it's through someone's overgrown backyard, under a fence, across a six lane freeway, shimmying through potholes filled with ink black water and cockroaches in an Asian Fruit Market and, finally, to the boat dock that will take us out of Bangkok proper. We purchased a ticket that included our bike fee (fifty cents) and waited for a colorful long boat to take us to the other side of theChao Praya River, which circles the perimeter of Bkk. I had just a moment to catch my breath and let the breeze cool my sunburned arms.
 
This is Heaven, I sighed.
 
I had just enough time to regain my cycling legs after squeezing into the longboat with my friends and all of our bikes, and off we galloped again—this time, through the Thai countryside on the less developed side of BKK. I tried to open my eyes wide enough to capture every imaginable color of green. Big banana and African mask leaves shaded our path. Bright dendrobium orchids and canna lilies were like hot peppers in a salad. Bamboo giants leaned over, herding us, keeping us together under the jungle canopy. I had to stop peddling to take it all in. I was overwhelmed by the spicy burning piles of incense leaves combined with the heavy scent of plumaria and tuberose. The steamy heat made my skin feel soft and new. Monitor lizards lumbered into our path and the occasional snake (yes, cobra) hissed and disappeared. There were always the ubiquitous Third World dogs, laying in packs on every trail or street. I would have feared their viciousness, but they were too hot and suffering from malnutrition to give us more than a blink and sigh.
 
We tumbled out of the green haze to perhaps the most difficult 15 miles I’ve ever cycled on open road. There were sand traps, flooded road traps, and a tuk tuk driver who slowed down to our pace so he could practice his English.
 
"You!" he shouted above the symphony of semi truck horns that were blaring behind us.
 
"YOU!" He said again, this time flashing a surprisingly bright smile.
 
"YOU!!" Why was "You" so important that he needed to block traffic for 3 miles, I thought. He laughed and pointed to my sweaty biceps and yelled again,"You, STRONG!!"
 
He pulled away in his tuk tuk, totally pleased with himself that he had had a meaningful conversation with the Farang (whitey).